The Right Match Was Out There

By Lynette Lemke, SWAN Helpline Specialist

Nearly a year ago, in February 2024, Jason Moots and Jared Dahlgren grew their family through adoption with the finalization of their children, Elijah, Jeffrey, and Nevaeh. A few months later the Moots-Dahlgren family was recognized with a Permanent Family Award at the 2024 Pennsylvania Permanency Conference Awards Banquet. They were nominated by their Children’s Home of Pittsburgh worker Kristie Lindblom, who worked closely with the family in adopting a sibling group of three. Recently, Jason and Jared were asked to reflect on their journey of adoption from foster care and the advice they would share with prospective adoptive families. 

Initially, Jason and Jared intended to expand their family with a private newborn adoption, which eventually fell through. This challenging and emotional experience caused them to reevaluate their feelings regarding their adoption journey, and they decided their best choice would be to adopt through foster care. Looking back, they are grateful for keeping an open mind. “Had we stuck to our original criteria, we wouldn't have the incredible family that we have today,” they shared.

They were introduced to the Children’s Home of Pittsburgh through a good friend. Their matching worker was Erika Schmitt, whom they describe as “incredible and a blessing.” Erika would follow up on child inquiries, especially when she was not hearing back from caseworkers. She was patient with them, and Jason and Jared felt that she was sincerely invested in helping them find the best match possible.

The matching process stood out the most for the family as it was much more positive than what they had experienced with private adoption. That said, there were times that Jason and Jared felt frustrated and even doubted themselves when communication with workers slowed during the matching process. They often reminded themselves that caseworkers had a full plate of work duties, and they leaned on the SWAN Helpline to determine if a child should be explored further as a match. They never felt pressure with the SWAN Helpline, which they found to be kind and helpful, or the Children’s Home of Pittsburgh.

Jason and Jared added, “They genuinely care about finding the best possible match for the child and the parents because they know that that's how permanency will be most successful. If we felt that we couldn't offer the support that a particular child would need, we were never made to feel guilty or shamed. We were just told ‘the right match is out there. It might take time, but it's out there.’" Indeed, it was for this family.

Approximately nine months into the process, the Moots-Dahlgrens met their children, a sibling group whose goal was adoption as the parental rights had been terminated. Although Jared and Jason had expressed interest in the children months earlier, the children had been placed in another home instead over concerns about placement with a same-sex couple. The children had been exposed to significant anti-LGBTQ sentiment in their previous foster home, and caseworkers were unsure if the children would respond well to Jason and Jared.

After the initial placement fell through, the children’s caseworker reached out to Jason and Jared’s caseworker about being placed in their home the following week. Jared and Jason took the weekend to think about it. “We knew in our hearts it was going to be yes. It just felt right. It's hard to explain any other way,” they shared. With their final answer as “yes,” the children were driven from Philadelphia to Pittsburgh to meet with the family for the first time.

Although it was overwhelming at first to go from zero to three children, everyone was helpful with the transition, including Children’s Home of Pittsburgh caseworker Kristie Lindblom. Caseworkers helped gather a list of the children’s favorite foods, provided clothing sizes, and helped Jared and Jason get them registered for school. With a sibling group of three, the expansive support network Jason and Jared experienced was particularly essential. They felt it was important for families to know that support is out there. They assumed they were on their own in the process, but they had professionals available when they felt overwhelmed, including social workers, educational advocates, and therapists.

Jared and Jason emphasize using resources like counseling and therapy to help talk to the children about adoption and what it means. Their provider helped them all sit down as a family to discuss and process topics like termination of parental rights and how adoption was different than their foster care experience. Jared and Jason described it as “such a heavy, deeply personal conversation, and it was essential to have that support to help walk them through it.”

The family also stressed the importance of the children creating “Lifebooks” with the professionals involved. “As a new parent, it might feel weird, and you might even feel a little resentful having them want to keep pictures and memories from their past—a normal feeling—but it is so important for them. It's part of the grieving process of dealing with trauma, and we'd advise any foster-to-adopt parents to be supportive.”

Jared and Jason agree that their journey to adoption was full of emotional highs and lows. They credit their caseworkers, support network, and a mindset of flexibility and endurance as factors in creating their adoption and beautiful family. “The right match is out there,” they shared, “and it’s so worth it in the end.”

Lynette Lemke has worked at the SWAN Helpline for ten years, helping to support families during the process of fostering and adoption. Prior to joining the Helpline, she also worked for an affiliate agency providing mobile therapy to children involved with the foster care system.